As the common saying goes “It’s takes a village to raise a child” but we rarely talk about what it really looks like to move in with relatives (or have relatives move in with you) for help with your new baby.

Moving in with family members when you have a new child can give you more time to recover, free and available assistance with the new baby and loving family to support you while you adjust to having a new member of the family. While this can be a huge help, most people will also have an adjustment to accommodate the new personalities in your space while living with your family members.

In this article, we’ll outline everything to consider before moving in with parents and how to make the most of the experience.

Should You Consider Moving in with Family?

There are a few special circumstances that would make it super helpful to have family around and it could benefit you to plan ahead of baby’s arrival:

• You’re expecting multiples
• This is your first pregnancy
• You’ll be having a c section
• Baby is expected to have special needs

Remember, your new baby will need you every couple of hours to hold them, bond with them, change them and feed them, but your body will also be recovering. Having family around to add that extra support can give you more space to recover peacefully.

Benefits to Moving in with Family

Lower Cost of Childcare

It’s likely your parents won’t be charging you money to watch their grandchild (or grandchildren in the case of multiples). Not having to pay for sitters on the occasional date night, find childcare when you need to run errands or take baby to daycare when you go back to work or hire nannies to support you through the day is a giant help.

According to 2022 data, the average hourly rate of nannies in 2022 is $19.00 per hour. Imagine paying that rate for every time you wanted to go out to dinner and a movie, have a doctor’s appointment or run multiple errands. The costs to caring for your child so parents can have a life runs up quickly.

Overnight Availability

Many couples struggle to find alone time after having a child, much less the time to enjoy a weekend getaway or week-long vacation. When you’re staying with family, you have someone at home that can watch your new baby without having to pay a hefty fee.

No Drop Offs

Moving in with family can be especially beneficial (and time saving) when you have to run errands or you need a few hours for personal time because your babysitter is already at your house.

You don’t have to get the baby bag ready, make a few bottles, dress the baby and put the baby in the car. This process can take a half hour on it’s own. You don’t have to drive to the person’s house to drop off the baby before heading to your destination. Finally, you won’t have to pick up your child on the way home and hope that baby doesn’t wake up moving from the babysitters house, to the car and from the car into the house.

Your baby can continue their regular routine at home and you get to save at least an hour or two of preparation, drop offs and pick ups on your trip.

Opportunities for spontaneity

With built-in babysitters, you’ll be able to take advantage of more spontaneous adventures, an opportunity that is lost for new parents with no family nearby. If friends come into town and invite you for a last minute dinner, you’ll have parents right there to ask if you can head out for a few hours.

Take advantage of group economics.

Group economics is when a group of people have a common economic interest or pool their money together to benefit a common goal. In your case, staying with your parents means that there are likely multiple incomes serving the same household.

You may end up spending less money on groceries because you’re not the only person in the house buying groceries and cooking meals. While staying with my parents after our twins, we noticed that on many occasions my parents would may large family rice dishes or pasta dishes that could feed everyone in the house so we didn’t have to cook as often, savings hours of time each week, and we didn’t have to buy all the food in the house.

Since you’re all in the same home, you can consolidate expenses. If you were able to leave your apartment, you may be able to contribute financially to your parents home at a lower rate than you were paying for your own space. Or if you left your home to stay with family, you could rent out your home and generate income from that.

You’ll notice many financially beneficial doors open for you when you’re sharing a home with family.

Parents have experience with babies.

Living with family will come in especially handy if you’ve just had your first child because as a brand new parent, you’ll have no idea what you’re doing. It’s great to have someone right there that can help to guide you through the oh-so-murky waters of parenting.

Parents can help with:

• Feeding babies (if your child is bottle fed)
• Changing diapers
• Making or cleaning baby bottles
• Preparing meals for mom
• Picking up prescriptions
• Driving mom around (especially after a c section because mom won’t be able to drive for a few weeks)

Downsides to Moving in with Family

Moving in with parents isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. You are moving in with other people after all. Even though this is family who may have raised you and know you better than anyone else, it’s still new people in your space on a daily basis that you have to make mental and physical space for.

Living with More Personalities.

The number of people you live with daily expands the second you move in with family. Depending on the situation, you might be living with your parents, grandparents, siblings who still live at home or any combination of loved ones.

That means more people with their own personalities, preferences, needs, desires, noise levels and sleeping patterns. While you may love getting up at 6AM and going to be around 10PM, grandma might love watching the TV on high volume until midnight. Your brother who lives in the home may not clean the bathroom you share and no one wants to take the trash out so it just piles up.

This is the price of admission when moving in with family to get help with the new baby. You can’t control how others interact with the world, but you can control how you interact with them.

You can let them know your preferences and ask if they’d be willing to help clean, turn the TV down or whatever else would help make you a little more comfortable, understanding that everyone will have to make some compromises to enjoy the shared space, including you.

Spending more time with family.

I haven’t met one person on earth that loves spending time with their family members all the time. Because you’re living in the same home, your family may want to sit with you to watch hours of TV, have long family dinners or just sit around talking for hours.

These experiences are nice and needed, but when you live with family all the time it could lead to that feeling of being “on” all the time and, especially for introverts, can be draining.

Be assertive with family members and let them know when you need a moment to yourself.

No Privacy.

Depending on how large your parent’s space is, you could be living in the next room over from them. That means they could overhear every conversation, every baby cry and every goodnight kiss between you and your partner.

Unfortunately, unless your family has a really large space with soundproofed walls, this may be unavoidable. Understand that this is the price of admission for all the benefits you receive while living with family members.

Ask parents to watch the baby so you can have a date night or weekend getaway to get those moments of privacy with your partner while still enjoying the help and support from family members.

Missing your space.

When you move in with your parents you obviously have to leave your space to move into someone else space. That means having to wake up every day in a room you didn’t decorate yourself, take a shower in a bathroom setup that’s not your own and moving around in a living space you didn’t choose all day long.

It’s natural to miss your home for the time that you’re staying with parents.

If you’re planning to stay with family for three months or more, it could be worth the effort of looking at the space in advance and talking with your family about what you can purchase or bring from home to make the space feel more like home.

Parents have experience with babies.

Having your parents around to help you with your child is both and advantage and a disadvantage because your parents will use their baby-raising experience to tell you what you’re doing wrong – and they likely won’t be shy about it.

If your parents are anything like mine, they’ll let you know everything from how much to feed your child, when to move them to more formula, add cereal and how to get them to sleep.

It’s all in good nature and they’re trying to be helpful, but at times this can feel like you’re parents aren’t giving you the space to figure out what kind of parent you want to be and how you’d like to raise your child.

In these moments remember that your parents are trying to be helpful by sharing their experience with you. Let your parents know directly that you appreciate the advice, but you’d like to do things your way.

While there are a few disadvantages, living with family members after having a baby can give you a support system through your recovery and much needed break when you need it most while you care for your baby and recover yourself post pregnancy.